08.28.03 6:09 pm
moms home

sometimes i dont know why i try anymore. what am i working for? today ron said i was really harsh, a total bitch, but i feel the exact opposite inside. i just feel so vunerable and uncertain. pardon the cliche, but its hard being a "teenager".

i guess ill never be that sweet bubbly girl that everyone loves. should i try? or should i just accept who i am and not change a thing... even if it might be for the better. i dont know, its all a game of mixed messages. they tell you to be yourself but clearly they only want that kind of girl. everyone is fake. just some more so than others.

i dont know. im really kind of doubting everything right now. the weekend comes so slow and leaves too fast.

i think my shyness and awkwardness might be taken for snobbiness. God, i hope not. i really appreciate what everyones done, but sometimes its just so hard for me to even smile. so i just stare straight ahead and focus on where im going, not whos around me.

i guess im just terrible.

sometimes, i really like what i say or think. i think its really deep and meaningful (for me, anyways). just thought id share.

i think i must be high. im so thirsty.

its been real.