09.24.03 4:56 pm
i am getting fat

i really dislike my mother right now. first, no job untill straight "a"s, now its "i wont take you out of school to get your permit so you have to wait untill the end of next month to get it." im so fucking pissed. i didnt care before, but now that im thinking about the vespa (which here you dont have to be 16 to drive, like motorcycles you only have to be 15) and how i couldve had my lisence in a mere three months had i gotten it sooner, every day counts. because now ill have to wait twice as long to get my license. 6 fucking months. i want it so i can just leave the house and go to the park. to be alone. because sometimes i need to get away. and i have no fucking job! what has my mom got up her ass as of late? college? damn you, future!

i saw kyle blauhwghwhw in the hallway today. i couldnt help it, i just smiled so big and cheesey and it made him smile big and that made me happy and i laughed. i love seeing other people smile like that. its amazing how much a simple smile can do sometimes. i think ill become a smiling freak. would people find it odd to see a random girl beaming at them? i hope so.

i have the social skills of a hermit crab. i think too hard about what to say, so i end up not talking at all. i feel so uncomfortable with myself. i am so fucking annoying, and i hate it. drew told me (like i didnt already know) in biology and it really made me hurt. i hate being like that. i just want... i dont know what i want.

i think i scared jake away with my last email. either that or he didnt get it. i was talking about feeling cut-off from the girl world. *sigh*

am i clingy?

i have to do my report on dill. its due tomorrow. how boring, doing a report on the herb dill. blah!

fourth block was a fucking blast today. like yesterday, we had a sub, but it was the cool just-out-of-college girl. she played cards with us. good times. i need to sharpen my spades skills. i need to work on kemps. and zut, dont get me started on egyptian rat screw.

i think "zut" is my new favorite word. its "darn" in fracias.

speaking of french, i have a load to do in that subject...

you know, i was pleasantly surprised with my period this month. i didnt pms and im pretty sure itll be over in a bit. now im sure next month it will be the period from hell.

oh boys, how i love thee.

wow. total loss of cheese control. im sorry, i promise it will never happen again. i swear.

its been real.