04.23.04 4:52 pm

next time i wear my glasses, remind me to pull my hair back. i look much more girly that way.

i think i know what that feeling is! its regret, i think. regret for all the moments i miss and advantages i let pass up. its such a sickening feeling and i cant let it go. and its over the stupidest thing ever. damn. i will bring this up. guessing like that and dwelling is so horrible. it brings about such a horrible feeling, so why dont i just stop?

today sucked. most kids skipped school because prom is tonight. i guess it wasnt that bad... i just wish i couldve stayed home and slept.

hahaha, the hawkins dance is tonight.

today i talked to drew and michael. i havent talked to them in quite awhile. i miss hanging with them like i did last semester. michael said something about a show @ 615 tomorrow night. i say i might go, but you know i wont. maybe i should do something different. who am i kidding?

this week went by really really really fast. i dont like it. the year will be over before i know it. then ill have time for reconstructing myself over the summer. thats what im going to do this summer. im going to think and figure myself out and try to improve what i hate. im not talking about my appearance, im talking about the "inside". you know i need a renovation.

ok, im preparing myself for so much riducule, but im kinda intrigued by the movie "mean girls". i know its just a bunch of heavy stereotypes and from where i stand nothing like that really happens at highschool, but still. i guess its the teeny bopper in me. hahaha. i dunno.

what else was i going to talk about?

faren and i plan on going to a lot of shows/concerts/whatevers. starting with riverstages next weekend. after that shes going to make me go see fleetwood mac with her. i dont know how i feel about them. but anywho, next weekend it will be just me and her and it will be fun.

i just noticed (or re-realized) that there is still some random garland up from christmas. its in the kitchen and my parents room. yeah, my mom makes a habit of decorating every room for that holiday. oh how i hate it. im going to ask her why its still up. *is scared*

here are some things people have said to me in the past week that have stuck:

"allyson, you need a starbucks guy." -a completely random comment from daren while playing rummy

"thats your heart skipping a beat!" -thats justins theory as to why i have chest pains during geography

*grabs backpack* "listen here! whats this youre saying about failing art?! you better not give up in my class or ill kill you! im serious! youre one of the most talented kids i have. you should really look into the feild." -oh my god you guys, you have no idea what a lift that little ultimatem gave me! that made me so fucking happy! (mrs kandros said that, by the way.)

"you remind me of an over-developed eleven year old girl" and "youre always acting like such a little girl and everyone always wants to hug you!" -jake said those. actually kinda creeps me out but its funny. its so true though, i am so fucking naive sometimes and i make a habit of giggling and skipping. haha.

pffffffff... i guess that about covers it.

its been real.