10.20.04 9:12 pm

if my dad belches one more time, ill probably commit mass homicide. its that fucking annoying.

so im totally into zach, and im kinda scared. now im going to rationalize things, and if you cant follow, no biggie. *ahem* what if he just pities me? im feeling that a bit less now, but its still in the back of my mind. he asked me to visit him at work. it isnt the first time. hes been hinting at it a lot, but he was very blunt about it the other day. so i went, but he wasnt there (a misunderstanding on my part). so im not going to try again unless he mentions it. i already made a move (sorta, it failed pretty dismally) and thats crazy, so its his turn. this was really cute: today before the feild trip (which ill get to later) he pulled me and one of his friends aside and was like, "you two should be like best friends," and we kinda looked at him like, "what the hell?" and he said, "look at you two! blah blah." now, i may be taking this the wrong way, but i interpreted it as like him trying to get his friends approval or trying to get me in his group. or it could fit easily in the pity catergory (ie. i dont have friends (which isnt true) so hes making them for me). nothing became of my encounter with cori. today at the frist i turned around and he was still staring at my ass. so i guess he finds me attractive? which brings me to this! hes had sex before, so like, what if he just wants some? it would be really easy for him to manipulate me and take advantage of me. but i dont want to like judge him because hes not a virgin. i dont want to be unfair and already be guarded... but should i? i mean, all guys (to some degree) just want sex. i dunno. i mean, and this is all theoretic, because its not a definite thing that hes into me. though many people seem to think so. god, i hope im not coming off as totally full of myself or something. im just really reproachful(?). i analyze was to fucking much. as if you couldnt tell. i dunno. i should just relax i guess, and go with the flow (pardon the cliche). and just be as wary as if he was any other guy. bleh.

im so retarded. sorry.

today fucking rocked. i got a pair of earrings. i actually girl talked!!! (which further confirmed my heterosexuality. its great to talk about guys with girls for a change!*) i ate an awesome burger for lunch and saw some amazing art. i think im going to go back to the frist during this loooong weekend. i didnt get to see everything and there are some things id like to purchase in the gift shop, hahaha. anywho, it was a good day.

*since i usually hang around guys at school, i have to bear with all their girl worries and shit.]

its been real.