what the fuck has happened to me?

instead of turning in a 2000 word paper on monday, im turning in a 490 word paper on thursday. or im just flat out not doing huge projects like my under the sink drawing that was due today.

im dismal.

im fucking myself over. its so sad that i can sit here and say that. i know im so much more. well, i used to be. when will i wake up? how can i turn myself around? for fucks sake it shouldnt be like this. its all my fucking fault, ive noone else to blame why the hell am i doing this to myself. this is so fucking retarded. damnit.

i just want to tear myself apart.

i dont know anything anymore.

but theres so much going on im my head.

wheres my confidant? where are my shoulders?

i am the embodiment of alone.

theres this feeling inside me trying so desperately to get out. its not just emotional anymore, its crossed over into the physical.

fuck it.