12.14.17 10:02 pm
fuck me up


i'm just. wow. this past week has been trying.

sunday night matthew CALLS ME ON THE PHONE and breaks up with me!!! doesn't even have the decency to facetime! AND I HAD FINALS MONDAY MORNING. AND WEDNESDAY. AND AN 8 PAGE PAPER TO WRITE.

and i'm turning 30, THIRTY!!! tomorrow.

i had to keep everything bottled up while i trudged through finals, and i'm fluctuating between anger and sadness now. i just, man, i know there's never a good time to dump someone, but shit. could he not have waited a couple days? it's not like we saw each other on the regular... he lives in knoxville.

today i worked up the courage to text him about exchanging our things. he mentioned wanting to give me the gifts he had bought for my birthday. i'll admit i got a little sassy when i told him, "i’m not interested. if you wanted to give me something for my birthday, you should have broken up with me after it." but he fucking blocked my number before i could follow up with "just mail me my things, and i'll mail you yours."

we never should have gotten back together after her flipped out when i shaved my head. i should have known then that we weren't compatible. i shouldn't have gotten back together after i decided i was queer. well he wants kids and i'm definitely not going to see him again anytime soon.

"i'm so afraid of losing my best friend." i want you to be happy and make a family for yourself, but you honestly cannot expect me to ever be ok enough about the situation to be your friend as you fall in love with someone else and get married and have a goddamn baby and raise a fucking family. it would kill me.

i was looking forward to having dinner with my family tomorrow, but now suddenly no one can make it out? i'm just... very over it. this has been an awful week. at least i have that good weed.