i feel dumb, but loved. let me apologise to d l and vanessa again. i dunno why but i feel bad for making you guys email me. but, on the other hand, its nice to know someone actually wanted to read my diary when its locked. yeah, im just... i dunno. its kinda hard to believe some people like to read about the person and the life i hate so much...

i just finished mowing the lawn. everytime i do i remember talking with my former friends and them saying that they werent allowed to mow the lawn. that just strikes me as odd. of course, if i had a brother, i prob'ly wouldnt be mowing right now, but neither do my friends. i know kids that get allowance for doing nothing. i dont know why im talking about this...

my hair feels like straw. i think im still losing it, too. its getting so thin. im afraid that one day ill wake up bald. the only plus side to that would be wigs. thatd be kinda cool to have a different hairstyle everyday so easily. i wonder if itd look totally fake? haha, i can just imagine browsing through a "quality wig outlet". hahahahahaha.

wigs... dentures... implants. y'know, its kinda hard for me to rationalize thatd itll take me about a year before i can get my tooth implanted. i mean, c'mon, how much planning a preparation does it take? oh well, all i know is that ill be sooo happy when i get it. i really hate having this empty space in the front of my mouth.

today i almost cried. i think it was because im getting older. im starting my sophomore year in high school thursday, im that much closer to being thrown into "the real world". isnt that what ive wanted? to be out on my own? yeah, but i dont want to be getting older. i dont want my parents to grow old and die. right now, death is such a scary thing to me. it could come at anytime, to anyone. i guess thats why youve got to live your life to the fullest. you shouldnt worry about the end. but its hard not knowing.

i dont know. i think too much.

you know who i still think about sometimes? jeff. how dumb is that? i mean, i havent talked to the kid in so long. im sure hes already forgotten about me. why cant i just move on? we didnt even have any kind of "relationship" for crying out loud! *sigh* i just dont get me.

on a much lighter note, i found the cutest shoes! here they are. im getting the ivy/sun ones. theyre so awesome. i love sneakers and jackets. yay!

haha, ok, i think ive humiliated myself enough for today!

its been real!