11.09.03 2:53 pm
underneath it all, i am truly a happy camper

asdfjkasdf! mmm, im so happy smiley! i make myself sick.

i called jeff last night. we only talked for 30 minutes, but it was very good talk. we talked about everything and nothing. but i have to wait untill monday to see him, hahaha. he said some very very very sweet things to me last night (but that was online). it sucks he lives on the other side. and he agrees.

jefferson: ya know what

jefferson: you're pretty girl

jefferson: cool*

me: hahaha, thanks

jefferson: and a pretty girl too

austin came home with mom and kasey last night. he had to sleep with me, and he hogged like the whole fucking bed. i was stuck between him and the wall. (i put my bed in the corner, for added coziness.) he was watching edward scissor hands while i was trying to talk to jeff. austin kept vying for my attention, so i went outside.

i "babysit" for church today. acutally i did more aimless wandering than babysitting. i made five fucking dollars. why mom wont let me quit that job and get another... im not going to go there today. speaking of money though...

my parents have dug themselves into another financial pit, and as usual, us kids are the ones to pay for it.

i really hate my father. god, i fucking loathe that man. and i s'pose there really is no rhyme or reason as to why, i just... do.

no boy could cure this. my frustration with life and the hand i was delt is overwhelming. even though i know there are many out there who have it far worse than me. i guess its just the thought that i could be so much better, but im not. is that even true? or possible? either way, i know im on the verge of some kind of mental breakdown today. it wont be pretty.

but im still crazily happy at the same time.

im actually working on straightening my room. ive got my headboard and desk taken care of. its my shelves and closet that need the most work. haha, ive got a chair burried in my closet, is that not hilarious? ive got so many clothes that i never wear and that i want to get rid of. i wish there was a way that i could get money for them. i desperately need some cash. my pay check for last month was a fucking eighteen dollars. working like that is a fucking joke. i think id make more profit by not working at all. atleast i wouldnt be wasting time.

god, the shins are insanely awesome.

i want a shins shirt, a dcfc shirt, a birmingham biscuits shirt, adidas sneakers, cds, asldkfjasdf...

why am i so material-oriented? did i even word that right?

its been real.