i know i try to act tough like nothing bothers me. but the truth is, i think it might take me awhile to get over this. its just so hard for me to understand how someone can be all over you and then just a few days later tell me he just doesnt care. this kid doesnt give a shadow of a shit about me. holy fuck that hurts. i mean, it probably was my fault, i was acting all bratty. but i dunno, its just really hard for me to get right now and it just doesnt feel good. and then add to that the fact that ive no close friends. i have nowhere to go between classes, noone to really confide in. for lack of better words, it just really sucks right now. god, i mean, the kid wont even talk to me. he completely fucking ignores me. he seriously doesnt care. i dont understand. i mean, i even care about strangers to an extent, but to not care at all? i mean, yeah, logically i wouldnt want to try a friendship either, but i mean, c'mon, even just a hey or hello. this wasnt messy. it will probably be the best breakup ill ever have. and i know this is really stupid, but right now, at this moment, im finding it hard to see myself liking someone else. i guess thats normal so soon after a breakup, its only been a day. but i dunno, i mean, i guess he was something super spectacular or special, but i look around, and like yeah, there are tons of hotter guys out there but there are no more jeffs. i really want a best friend right now, i guess i really messed up with my friendships. i dunno, i feel really alone. ive actually been crying over this. ugh, i feel so sad and angry and then dumb for talking about this so much and crying over it. i dunno.

hopefully ill be back to my normal self soon.

its been real.