05.13.04 4:42 pm
they skin baby seals, ill have to tell morsey

just to let you guys know, it takes weeks- even months- before antidepressants kick in. hahaha.

um, im kinda enraged at one little thing, and its petty, but whats new?

in therapy we discussed why i dont (or cant) go out anymore. she wants me to try and get back into the scene, but its soooo hard.

she also said itd be good for me if i got a job, atleast for the summer. and what? mom agreed!

people piss me off. i was sooo happy the last couple of days, but im slipping again. i cant wait untill the medicine kicks in. im anxious to see the change in me. my doctor said you really dont know how depressed you are untill you get out of it and realize how happy you can be. im sure its true, because sometimes, i dont think its that bad. maybe im used to it. i dunno.

im feeling kinda detatched right now. i cant even talk to michael anymore. last semester we were like... but now? things were pretty shaky with people at the begining of the year, but they weer getting better. but when i hooke up with jeff i kinda left everyone be. and let it slip. if idve realized he was never going to come, and had gone out with them those few times, things would be much better. ill balance things next time.

what do i want right now?

im begining to not want to talk to my therapist anymore. like, i really had to force myself yesterday. i just think weve hit kind of a stopping point. i dont feel like anything is being accomplished. the faults mostly on my part. ill just have to talk to her about that next week.

people piss me off. how incredibly lame they are. i know im the same way, but i dont make a point to tell everyone about how i feel all the time, do i? i mean, yeah, i have this journal, but you guys have the choice of not reading it. i dunno. im being incredibly cynical.

hahaha, i hate this so much.

its been real.